Archive for June 2004

I’m a Soul Man 2…

June 30, 2004

B

ane the Vixen is grabbin… uh… I mean, bustin’ my butt again. I suppose the cont’d tomorrow is amateurish but I did it for a reason. M came home yesterday from Japan but she got stuck at the airport. Border patrol/immigration wouldn’t let her into the country because… her green card expired! Crap! What a headache… So, I got back late and had to run to school. To me, that’s a legit excuse, so you wanna cut me some slack, girl? Or are you jealous I don’t give you the same attention? Hehehehehhe…

Anway, back to the issue at hand…

My first wife seemed perfect to me in that she fit those qualities that I thought would complement me. How stupid of me. There were two things that bothered me, and it progressively worsened as our marriage went along. One: she had little love for my mother. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but just let me say that since she was old school, she expected my mother to come to help her out when our daughter was born. It is traditional in Japan–and many other customs–for a mother to help out a daughter or daughter-in-law in such a manner. But my mother, for reasons of work and health (she had a bad heart at the time), could not come and my ex held it against her until my mother died couple years ago. She did not treat my mother well when they were together, and it coming to a head.

The other thing is just as important. While she fulfilled my “objective”, albeit silly, criteria, she–or perhaps I should say we–lacked one ingredient so crucial in any marriage: Passion. Our marriage was pretty cut and dry and I thought that we fulfilled each other’s needs and I hoped the passion would develop over time–as many expect in similar marriages, especially arranged marriages. But I was wrong. We had a healthy respect for each other, but the passion never developed. When I decided to come back to the States to teach and she wanted to remain in Japan, she insisted that this was normal, that many Japanese couples live apart–in Japanese, its called tanshin funin–and she fully expected us to remain married. Well, for me, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I could not live with that attitude toward our marriage. If either of us felt passion for the other, one of us probalby would have relented, but we didn’t. We didn’t have the “need” to stay together. Economically, intellectually, adademically, being apart is fine. But two people who feel passion for each other could never live in separte countries, don’t you think? Indeed, our individual decisions suggested that we had no intention or desire to encourage our relationship to “develop”. If you were to talk to her, I’m sure she would have her story to tell, as well–and hse has according to people I have talked to in Japan–but this is my Xanga, and this is my side of the story…

But with M, things were different. As I mentioned before, I held her hand and I knew instantly that we were meant for each other. I knew right away that passion for each other was seething within us, ready to explode–um, you can stop me at any time, y’know… So with regard to Simply_Marie’s initial query about “soulmates” developing, I would have to say that it didn’t happen for me. I think it’s easier to work through the tangible, objective differences rather than the intangible, subjective ones. I found my soulmate by accident… at 40. She “hatched”, to use your terminology. She didn’t “grow” from a mate into a soulmate. She existed previously, and I found her. She just was. To rephrase your quote:

Soulmates are hatched… They don’t grow. You make the connection, build the relationship, but you’ve always known, ‘This is my soul mate’

Ok, ok, stop gaggin! Take those fingers out of your mouths now…

Oh, don’t get me wrong. Our relationship is not without those bumps in the road. We have our issues and arguments. Certainly, if I held M to my previous standards, she would fail miserably. Not even close. But it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I will do anything to ensure that we stay together. Man, do I love this woman…

I’m a Soul Man 2…

June 30, 2004

B

ane the Vixen is grabbin… uh… I mean, bustin’ my butt again. I suppose the cont’d tomorrow is amateurish but I did it for a reason. M came home yesterday from Japan but she got stuck at the airport. Border patrol/immigration wouldn’t let her into the country because… her green card expired! Crap! What a headache… So, I got back late and had to run to school. To me, that’s a legit excuse, so you wanna cut me some slack, girl? Or are you jealous I don’t give you the same attention? Hehehehehhe…

Anway, back to the issue at hand…

My first wife seemed perfect to me in that she fit those qualities that I thought would complement me. How stupid of me. There were two things that bothered me, and it progressively worsened as our marriage went along. One: she had little love for my mother. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but just let me say that since she was old school, she expected my mother to come to help her out when our daughter was born. It is traditional in Japan–and many other customs–for a mother to help out a daughter or daughter-in-law in such a manner. But my mother, for reasons of work and health (she had a bad heart at the time), could not come and my ex held it against her until my mother died couple years ago. She did not treat my mother well when they were together, and it coming to a head.

The other thing is just as important. While she fulfilled my “objective”, albeit silly, criteria, she–or perhaps I should say we–lacked one ingredient so crucial in any marriage: Passion. Our marriage was pretty cut and dry and I thought that we fulfilled each other’s needs and I hoped the passion would develop over time–as many expect in similar marriages, especially arranged marriages. But I was wrong. We had a healthy respect for each other, but the passion never developed. When I decided to come back to the States to teach and she wanted to remain in Japan, she insisted that this was normal, that many Japanese couples live apart–in Japanese, its called tanshin funin–and she fully expected us to remain married. Well, for me, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I could not live with that attitude toward our marriage. If either of us felt passion for the other, one of us probalby would have relented, but we didn’t. We didn’t have the “need” to stay together. Economically, intellectually, adademically, being apart is fine. But two people who feel passion for each other could never live in separte countries, don’t you think? Indeed, our individual decisions suggested that we had no intention or desire to encourage our relationship to “develop”. If you were to talk to her, I’m sure she would have her story to tell, as well–and hse has according to people I have talked to in Japan–but this is my Xanga, and this is my side of the story…

But with M, things were different. As I mentioned before, I held her hand and I knew instantly that we were meant for each other. I knew right away that passion for each other was seething within us, ready to explode–um, you can stop me at any time, y’know… So with regard to Simply_Marie’s initial query about “soulmates” developing, I would have to say that it didn’t happen for me. I think it’s easier to work through the tangible, objective differences rather than the intangible, subjective ones. I found my soulmate by accident… at 40. She “hatched”, to use your terminology. She didn’t “grow” from a mate into a soulmate. She existed previously, and I found her. She just was. To rephrase your quote:

Soulmates are hatched… They don’t grow. You make the connection, build the relationship, but you’ve always known, ‘This is my soul mate’

Ok, ok, stop gaggin! Take those fingers out of your mouths now…

Oh, don’t get me wrong. Our relationship is not without those bumps in the road. We have our issues and arguments. Certainly, if I held M to my previous standards, she would fail miserably. Not even close. But it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I will do anything to ensure that we stay together. Man, do I love this woman…

I’m a Soul Man 2…

June 30, 2004

B

ane the Vixen is grabbin… uh… I mean, bustin’ my butt again. I suppose the cont’d tomorrow is amateurish but I did it for a reason. M came home yesterday from Japan but she got stuck at the airport. Border patrol/immigration wouldn’t let her into the country because… her green card expired! Crap! What a headache… So, I got back late and had to run to school. To me, that’s a legit excuse, so you wanna cut me some slack, girl? Or are you jealous I don’t give you the same attention? Hehehehehhe…

Anway, back to the issue at hand…

My first wife seemed perfect to me in that she fit those qualities that I thought would complement me. How stupid of me. There were two things that bothered me, and it progressively worsened as our marriage went along. One: she had little love for my mother. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but just let me say that since she was old school, she expected my mother to come to help her out when our daughter was born. It is traditional in Japan–and many other customs–for a mother to help out a daughter or daughter-in-law in such a manner. But my mother, for reasons of work and health (she had a bad heart at the time), could not come and my ex held it against her until my mother died couple years ago. She did not treat my mother well when they were together, and it coming to a head.

The other thing is just as important. While she fulfilled my “objective”, albeit silly, criteria, she–or perhaps I should say we–lacked one ingredient so crucial in any marriage: Passion. Our marriage was pretty cut and dry and I thought that we fulfilled each other’s needs and I hoped the passion would develop over time–as many expect in similar marriages, especially arranged marriages. But I was wrong. We had a healthy respect for each other, but the passion never developed. When I decided to come back to the States to teach and she wanted to remain in Japan, she insisted that this was normal, that many Japanese couples live apart–in Japanese, its called tanshin funin–and she fully expected us to remain married. Well, for me, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I could not live with that attitude toward our marriage. If either of us felt passion for the other, one of us probalby would have relented, but we didn’t. We didn’t have the “need” to stay together. Economically, intellectually, adademically, being apart is fine. But two people who feel passion for each other could never live in separte countries, don’t you think? Indeed, our individual decisions suggested that we had no intention or desire to encourage our relationship to “develop”. If you were to talk to her, I’m sure she would have her story to tell, as well–and hse has according to people I have talked to in Japan–but this is my Xanga, and this is my side of the story…

But with M, things were different. As I mentioned before, I held her hand and I knew instantly that we were meant for each other. I knew right away that passion for each other was seething within us, ready to explode–um, you can stop me at any time, y’know… So with regard to Simply_Marie’s initial query about “soulmates” developing, I would have to say that it didn’t happen for me. I think it’s easier to work through the tangible, objective differences rather than the intangible, subjective ones. I found my soulmate by accident… at 40. She “hatched”, to use your terminology. She didn’t “grow” from a mate into a soulmate. She existed previously, and I found her. She just was. To rephrase your quote:

Soulmates are hatched… They don’t grow. You make the connection, build the relationship, but you’ve always known, ‘This is my soul mate’

Ok, ok, stop gaggin! Take those fingers out of your mouths now…

Oh, don’t get me wrong. Our relationship is not without those bumps in the road. We have our issues and arguments. Certainly, if I held M to my previous standards, she would fail miserably. Not even close. But it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I will do anything to ensure that we stay together. Man, do I love this woman…

I’m a Soul Man 1…

June 29, 2004

O

kay, I know that there are a LOT of people who have been a Xangan longer than me. But after a year and well over 300 posts, I kinda feel like a veteran. But I still have a lot to learn, I’m sure, and so I will continue to seek the advice of many of you out there. どうぞよろしく…

I have been so busy lately. I thought summer had come. Geez, if this is what the rest of my summer is going to be like, come on Fall semester! I need a break! Anyway, I haven’t been able to log onto Xanga as much as I’d like to, and I feel my posts have been unfulfilling in a way… Further, I have not commented on many of the sites I subscribe to because of this lack of time. What I have been able to do, however, is comment on the sites of those who comment on mine. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is busy, so if someone generously offers the time to make a comment on my site, I will always try to return the favor. Of late, that’s all the time I’ve had for…

In response to a recent post, simply_marie asked if I thought of the following statement was true.

Soulmates aren’t hatched… They grow. You make a connection, build a relationship, and then you realize, ‘This is my soul mate’

Well, Simply, to give you the answer I give to virtually every question: That depends. Hehehehe… No, really. We’re all different and we all approach things differently. I’m not trying to give you a bunch of BS, but this is so true of virtually every aspect of our lives. Reality, as we know it, is based solely on how we interpret things we see and hear and feel, and the interpretation is always influenced by our point a view, a view that is an amalgamation of our own individual experiences. As such, my views, as stated here as Onigiriman, are hued by my personal experiences. So let me tell you mine.

I have had my share of girlfriends. Not a lot, but enough to be able to come to somekind of personal conclusion concerning the male-female relationship. All these previous girls were nice–an obvious statement, because I was initially attracted to them–and I began to pick and choose traits that I thought were appealing–or worse, appropriate–in the person that I thought would eventually become my wife. She had to be able to cook, sew, know Japanese, understand Japanese culture, be good with kids, be understanding of my selfish tendancies–such as indulging in drinking and sports–accept that fact that I would be the male in the household, be intelligent with an advanced degree (MA/PhD) in the humanities (no MBAs or engineers, please), and have a good sense of humor. Oh yeah, if she was good looking, that would be a plus…

Ouch! Man, who threw the rock? And stop hissing! I’m not finished…

Anyway, I thought I found her: K’s mother (my first wife). She could cook and sew. She was great with kids. She was born in Japan and so obviously knew Japanese and Japanese culture. She already had an MA in sociology from Meiji University and was working for a PhD in Anthropology at UCLA. She had a sense of humor, as well. The only possible flaw that she might have had was that she was older than me by 8 years. But her age perhaps allowed her to accept my selfish tendencies. She was old-school. I don’t mean to suggest that she walked three feet behind me when we stepped out, but she was more accepting of the old ways. But she was also the product of contemporary and higher education in the US, so she made sure that there was some sort of balance in our household. Indeed, I learned many of the finer points of cooking from her, as well as cleaning and rearing children. So in case you think I was a chauvanistic pig, I wasn’t… well not that much, anyway… To top it all off, she was a “half”: Japanese and German. She was not unattractive. But even better, as a half, she had been subjected to discrimination while growing up in Japan, and so was sympathetic to my issues as a minority in the US. Sounds perfect, right?

Wrong.

Cont’d tomorrow…

I’m a Soul Man 1…

June 29, 2004

O

kay, I know that there are a LOT of people who have been a Xangan longer than me. But after a year and well over 300 posts, I kinda feel like a veteran. But I still have a lot to learn, I’m sure, and so I will continue to seek the advice of many of you out there. どうぞよろしく…

I have been so busy lately. I thought summer had come. Geez, if this is what the rest of my summer is going to be like, come on Fall semester! I need a break! Anyway, I haven’t been able to log onto Xanga as much as I’d like to, and I feel my posts have been unfulfilling in a way… Further, I have not commented on many of the sites I subscribe to because of this lack of time. What I have been able to do, however, is comment on the sites of those who comment on mine. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is busy, so if someone generously offers the time to make a comment on my site, I will always try to return the favor. Of late, that’s all the time I’ve had for…

In response to a recent post, simply_marie asked if I thought of the following statement was true.

Soulmates aren’t hatched… They grow. You make a connection, build a relationship, and then you realize, ‘This is my soul mate’

Well, Simply, to give you the answer I give to virtually every question: That depends. Hehehehe… No, really. We’re all different and we all approach things differently. I’m not trying to give you a bunch of BS, but this is so true of virtually every aspect of our lives. Reality, as we know it, is based solely on how we interpret things we see and hear and feel, and the interpretation is always influenced by our point a view, a view that is an amalgamation of our own individual experiences. As such, my views, as stated here as Onigiriman, are hued by my personal experiences. So let me tell you mine.

I have had my share of girlfriends. Not a lot, but enough to be able to come to somekind of personal conclusion concerning the male-female relationship. All these previous girls were nice–an obvious statement, because I was initially attracted to them–and I began to pick and choose traits that I thought were appealing–or worse, appropriate–in the person that I thought would eventually become my wife. She had to be able to cook, sew, know Japanese, understand Japanese culture, be good with kids, be understanding of my selfish tendancies–such as indulging in drinking and sports–accept that fact that I would be the male in the household, be intelligent with an advanced degree (MA/PhD) in the humanities (no MBAs or engineers, please), and have a good sense of humor. Oh yeah, if she was good looking, that would be a plus…

Ouch! Man, who threw the rock? And stop hissing! I’m not finished…

Anyway, I thought I found her: K’s mother (my first wife). She could cook and sew. She was great with kids. She was born in Japan and so obviously knew Japanese and Japanese culture. She already had an MA in sociology from Meiji University and was working for a PhD in Anthropology at UCLA. She had a sense of humor, as well. The only possible flaw that she might have had was that she was older than me by 8 years. But her age perhaps allowed her to accept my selfish tendencies. She was old-school. I don’t mean to suggest that she walked three feet behind me when we stepped out, but she was more accepting of the old ways. But she was also the product of contemporary and higher education in the US, so she made sure that there was some sort of balance in our household. Indeed, I learned many of the finer points of cooking from her, as well as cleaning and rearing children. So in case you think I was a chauvanistic pig, I wasn’t… well not that much, anyway… To top it all off, she was a “half”: Japanese and German. She was not unattractive. But even better, as a half, she had been subjected to discrimination while growing up in Japan, and so was sympathetic to my issues as a minority in the US. Sounds perfect, right?

Wrong.

Cont’d tomorrow…

I’m a Soul Man 1…

June 29, 2004

O

kay, I know that there are a LOT of people who have been a Xangan longer than me. But after a year and well over 300 posts, I kinda feel like a veteran. But I still have a lot to learn, I’m sure, and so I will continue to seek the advice of many of you out there. どうぞよろしく…

I have been so busy lately. I thought summer had come. Geez, if this is what the rest of my summer is going to be like, come on Fall semester! I need a break! Anyway, I haven’t been able to log onto Xanga as much as I’d like to, and I feel my posts have been unfulfilling in a way… Further, I have not commented on many of the sites I subscribe to because of this lack of time. What I have been able to do, however, is comment on the sites of those who comment on mine. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is busy, so if someone generously offers the time to make a comment on my site, I will always try to return the favor. Of late, that’s all the time I’ve had for…

In response to a recent post, simply_marie asked if I thought of the following statement was true.

Soulmates aren’t hatched… They grow. You make a connection, build a relationship, and then you realize, ‘This is my soul mate’

Well, Simply, to give you the answer I give to virtually every question: That depends. Hehehehe… No, really. We’re all different and we all approach things differently. I’m not trying to give you a bunch of BS, but this is so true of virtually every aspect of our lives. Reality, as we know it, is based solely on how we interpret things we see and hear and feel, and the interpretation is always influenced by our point a view, a view that is an amalgamation of our own individual experiences. As such, my views, as stated here as Onigiriman, are hued by my personal experiences. So let me tell you mine.

I have had my share of girlfriends. Not a lot, but enough to be able to come to somekind of personal conclusion concerning the male-female relationship. All these previous girls were nice–an obvious statement, because I was initially attracted to them–and I began to pick and choose traits that I thought were appealing–or worse, appropriate–in the person that I thought would eventually become my wife. She had to be able to cook, sew, know Japanese, understand Japanese culture, be good with kids, be understanding of my selfish tendancies–such as indulging in drinking and sports–accept that fact that I would be the male in the household, be intelligent with an advanced degree (MA/PhD) in the humanities (no MBAs or engineers, please), and have a good sense of humor. Oh yeah, if she was good looking, that would be a plus…

Ouch! Man, who threw the rock? And stop hissing! I’m not finished…

Anyway, I thought I found her: K’s mother (my first wife). She could cook and sew. She was great with kids. She was born in Japan and so obviously knew Japanese and Japanese culture. She already had an MA in sociology from Meiji University and was working for a PhD in Anthropology at UCLA. She had a sense of humor, as well. The only possible flaw that she might have had was that she was older than me by 8 years. But her age perhaps allowed her to accept my selfish tendencies. She was old-school. I don’t mean to suggest that she walked three feet behind me when we stepped out, but she was more accepting of the old ways. But she was also the product of contemporary and higher education in the US, so she made sure that there was some sort of balance in our household. Indeed, I learned many of the finer points of cooking from her, as well as cleaning and rearing children. So in case you think I was a chauvanistic pig, I wasn’t… well not that much, anyway… To top it all off, she was a “half”: Japanese and German. She was not unattractive. But even better, as a half, she had been subjected to discrimination while growing up in Japan, and so was sympathetic to my issues as a minority in the US. Sounds perfect, right?

Wrong.

Cont’d tomorrow…

Still Time Out…

June 28, 2004

I

‘m still on a Time Out! Damn this house is a mess! Just to answer some of you: No, Fongster8, 27″ is NOT a big TV. As I said, it is “larger” and I’m speaking in relative terms. My previous TV was 20″ and I have had students comment on how small it is: a thoughtful comment after I’d just fed them… And I’m not surprised to hear that the average size in the UK is 32″. That’s probably true in the US as well. But, since that is the average, there are those who buy larger and those who buy smaller. I bought the smaller one because on a teacher’s salary that’s all I can afford.

Yes, bane_vixen, I can say “whipped” as in p-whipped. I’m sure many of you know what the “p” stands for. If you don’t, then you’re not old enough anyway…

Yes, SunJun, I have my fingers crossed. A messy house just may distract her long enough….

Yes, KENSHIR0, M does clean the house. And she is very good at it. You can eat off our kitchen floor, not that you’d want to of course… And before you women get any ideas, let me say that I would help to clean the house as well, and I have, but she usually tells me not to bother. I don’t know if its because I do a lousy job or if she would rather have me work harder and earn more money…

Yes, enygma81, I am the typical guy who lets the house get messy and tries to clean it up before she comes home–emphasis on the word try. But the dishes are washed and the floors–all 3 floors–are vacuumed. I left the windows open all day to air out the house–yes, two guys can make a house stink pretty bad! The throw rugs were also hung to be aired yesterday. The laundry was done and folded at 3 AM last night. Oh yeah, and I bought a couple of speakers to give me a little surround sound… Do you think M will notice?

No, Purin_kun, it is not plasma but a regular TV. I didn’t know that plasmas can go bad so quickly. Can anyone tell me the difference between plasma and LCD? Eventually, I will invest in a larger TV, but I need the info. Which is better, which will last longer, which is clearer, which will cause fewer prblems? Should I wait until the bugs have been worked out? Or are the bugs already worked out? Is there a newer generation comeing soon? Oooooh. So many questions!

Finally, I will post bane‘s comment to Saturday’s post, because I don’t think she will post it on her own site. I was going to write a similar comment today, but she beat me to it, and she is more eloquent than me anyway:

the ideas for a documentary film come from the directors’/producers’/creators’ (what are those blokes called?) concern for a certain subject matter. For example, the film supersize me pertains to the health hazards of a fast-food nation/world. In order to portray his views, the maker of the film only conveyed the stuff he thought necessary to get his point across and probably taken things out of context. Yes, fast food is ultimately unhealthy if one eats it to the extent the person in the film did, but fast food chains is one of the reasons why America is somewhat flourishing and keeps a certain class of people employed (not to sound like a snob). So documentaries, in general, are subjective, since they are issues that are close to the maker’s heart – in most cases, head – and have been manifested nationally, and even globally, on film. although, from the looks of it, Michael Moore’s film seems more like a satire than a documentary

Anyway, gotta start dusting the house! Ugh. I have a new appreciation for those who clean house, like M. I’d better take her out to dinner…