Hard to please


espite the O-man’s strange belief in the concept of soulmates–because of what he has personally experienced–he rarely believes in anything that has not been explained through analytical reasoning and with empirical evidence. As a result, he has never believed in deja vu. Sure, there were times when he found himself in a situation that seemed very familiar, but this was once explained to the O-man as a moment when part of his mind worked faster than his sensory perception.

In a millisecond, the subconscious mind grasps a given situation, processes the information and stores it as memory, even as the conscious part of the mind is still situating itself in the environment. This allows the conscious brain to “recall” the information already stored in “memory” giving the allusion of having seen it before. This sounded incredulous to the O-man when he first heard it, but it made more sense than believing he had an out of body experience or a similar experience in a former life. And yet, the O-man couldn’t shake the feeling he had experienced before the same sounds and smells and nervousness.

The rundown club located on the backroads of Xanga seemed all too familiar. The stench of stale beer filled the air, as the haze of second-hand cigarette smoke hovered over the tough crowd. Still, it was different, the O-man decided. The crowd was different. This one seemed a bit more forgiving, with some willing to laugh at his jokes. He had just finished his routine on how to create a porn-star name for yourself by combining the names of your first pet and the first street you lived on. It wasn’t the most intellectual of routines, but it was vastly more cerebral than the Henny Youngman routine the O-man attempted on his previous engagement. Indeed, since the routine involved audience participation, the same black stage with the harsh spotlight didn’t seem as harsh with the laughter and encouragement of young people sitting here and there enjoying the different names.

“Hahahhaahha, some of those were really good!” laughed Mimi from New York.

One hairy customer, who had been hunched over his drink at the bar in the back, closed his Law textbook and yelled, “I think my favorite is ‘Skippy Balboa’ Gahahaha!”.

“Great! This whole post has been such a great idea! Kandie Delight sounds like a chocolate bar name too! ha ha,” praised a Puffball in laderhosen sitting in front.

“Haha wohooo best male pornstar name! My mom would be proud,” shouted Daz, a young man happy to join in the fun.

“Yeah, just don’t forget to tell her who handed out the awards… wait a minute. I take that back. Forget it before you get home,” shot back the O-man as he closed his routine.

“Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be back in an hour with another set. Be sure to call your friends and relatives.” The O-man waved his hand as he turned to walk off the stage. Wow, he thought, this crowd was definitely more forgiving.

But his thought was soon obliterated by a voice audible only to him as he walked by a table at the end of the stage. “So, it’s finally done, eh?”

The O-man paused after stepping off the stage. “Huh? Excuse me?”

“I realize this is all in good fun, and I personally have nothing against porn, except how men AND women just seem to gravitate towards it with these hungry look in their eyes… Reminds me of depraved animals,” said a voice from the table.

The O-man, his eyes slowly readjusting from the bright spotlight, recognized a couple of attractive ladies with their arms folded, the universal expression of resistance and indignation.

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. As you said, it was done in good fun and all,” the O-man meekly protested.

“Yup, porn is GREAT,” retorted one.

“NO MORE PORN NAMES PLEASE!” the other stated emphatically.

I guess the adage is true. I mean it’s true in Virginia and it’s probably true where you live, too: You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people all of the… um… er… sorry. I’m having a Dubya moment here. Well, it just means that you can’t please everyone all the time… I think…

Okay, okay. Porn names was a pretty shabby topic, I suppose. I recalled talking about it with some students and the creation of such a name seemed amusing. A number of you decided to play along, and some truly had some classic monikers. But I hope I didn’t upset you too much, because it certainly wan’t meant to be any tacit approval of this form of adult entertainment…


Anyway, Yuki Lancelot reminded me that some of you had submitted senryu poems. I was so narcissistically involved in my own one-year Xanga anniversary, that I had forgotten about it. I will get on it right away.

But for now, there will be no more porn names… until the next time. hehehehehe…