Father Time


motionally, and perhaps to a degree psychologically and spirtiually, I am immature. I do things without thought sometimes–to my everlasting regret–but usually, I just shrug my shoulders and promise myself that I’ll do better next time. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I will be afforded fewer and fewer “next times.” Yes, my biological clock ticking. No, I’m not trying to have a baby, althought as a miracle of science, I’m sure it would be worth a few bucks. No, I’m just talking about getting old. Next week, I will turn 49, the last year of my first half century.

Scary, ain’t it?

Well, to celebrate the last year of my first five-0, I thought I’d offer up some information about this old geezer that might interest some of you. This is a list–with a few alterations in italics to fit my personality–I borrowed from Ender. WARNING: My students may want to go elsewhere if they don’t want too much information about me.

TEN random things about me you may not want to know–from things you may not want to know to things you REALLY don’t want to know.

10. I was a two-pack-a-day Marlboro Red smoker for 16 years.
09. Since 18, my weight has fluctuated between 128 lbs. to 180. I’m 168 now.
08. I love making quizzes and exams, but hate grading them.
07. I was–and can still be–rather crass and vulgar.
06. I had a really bad trip once.
05. I don’t close the door when I use the toilet at home.
04. I was an alcoholic once.
03. I love thick, soft, luscious lips.
02. I am a butt man. J. Lo looks like an angel to me…
01. I popped my cherry in the back seat of a Plymouth.

NINE ways to win my heart–in order of importance

09. Show an interest in current affairs.
08. Enjoy sex.
07. Be honest with me
06. Be healthy
05. Be independent.
04. Trust me.
03. Love sports
02. Love me. NOTE: #2 and #3 are interchangeable.
01. Cook better than me…

EIGHT things that remind me I’m really getting old–from the mundane to the grossest reminder.

08. Time goes by at light speed.
07. I am getting very forgetful.
06. I need reading glasses.
05. My knees and ankles hurt while and after I run.
04. I don’t lose weight as easily as I did before.
03. My joints crack everytime I stand up.
02. I am losing my ability to control burps and farts.
01. I have hair growing out of my ear.

SEVEN things that annoy me–from least to worst

07. People who don’t stand on the right side on an escalator.
06. Kiss ups–brown-nosers.
05. Slow cashiers.
04. People who butt in line.
03. People who have to be told what to do.
02. People who take up two seats on the subway or bus.
01. Students who cheat, because it tells me they are lazy.

Last SIX places I’ve lived–in ascending order

06. Seattle, WA, summer, 1984.
05. Tokyo, 1 year, 1984-85
04. Los Angeles, 1985-86
03. Palo Alto, CA, 1986-90
02. Tokyo, 1990-96
01. Virginia/DC, 1996-2004

FIVE things I’m afraid of–from least to most

05. Getting fired for not publishing.
04. Getting fatally ill: heart disease and cancer run in my family.
03. My own stupidity.
02. The dark. I still run after I turn off the lights.
01. Musubichan.

FOUR of my favorite items in my bedroom–from favorite to most favorite

04. My books.
03. My bed.
02. My computer.
01. Musubichan.

THREE things I do every day–in order of importance

03. Watch some TV.
02. Take multivitamins.
01. Xanga!

TWO things I am STUPIDLY trying not to do right now

02. Researching to write something publishable.
01. Grading.

ONE person I want to see right now

01. My mother. It’s been two and a half years since she passed…

Find anything interesting in the list?

If you’re curious about me, I’ll try to answer any and all valid questions–emphasis on try and valid. Have a good weekend everyone.

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