Resolutions

I

was so out of it this week that I didn’t even know what illness I had. But my mind has cleared up a bit and I’ve been getting myself in order. I was straightening out the area around my bed and found a couple of sheets of paper that outline my diagnosis. Basically, I had acute bronchitis, which is why I had trouble breathing and was coughing all night long.

Thanks to the medication and rest, my fever’s down and I cough with less ferocity. For a while there the hacking was scary. Also, I think the fever seems to have cleared my mind a bit, like one of those self-cleaning ovens: Turn it up to 600 degrees and the crusty burnt gunk turns to ash and the oven is as clean as a whistle. I think all the gunky stuff in my brain has burned away and my mind feels strangely clearer. Or maybe it was just a near-death experience. But I am still fatigued from the ordeal, and a second cup of coffee has me tired from an accelerated heart rate. Seriously. I am weak…

Anyway, the clear mind has made me think of my life and my future. Last year, for some stupid reason, I made no New Years resolution. Someone had written about how creating resolutions and not following up on them leads to disappointment, if not depression. So perhaps, it might be best not to have resolutions in the first place. I thought this made sense, but the back side to this is that I have no motivation, not even some kind of mock motivation. So I’ve decided to make a list for this year.

  1. Make M happy–Okay, I think I do alright to make her happy, but I gotta do more. She is not your typical high maintainence types, she atypical high maintenance. It doesn’t take money to make her happy; it takes time and effort. More quality time with her, which means less time on Xanga… okay, and maybe a little less TV.
  2. Publish–This is a no brainer and has been in the back of my mind since forever. As an academic type, I have to publish research. Unfortunately, my teaching takes too much time. Most profs can teach their research, but I’m usually teaching basic stuff that is totally unrelated to my research, That changes this year with my bungo class. Poetry, poetry, poetry. They are going to kill me…
  3. Write my story–Sammy already has a headstart on me I think, but I want to write and I’m thinking of writing it here, at least in parts. If Soseki can write a novel in serial form daily, then so can I. Not that I’m half the genius he is…
  4. Exercise more–I’ve been slacking off so much, it isn’t funny. I’ve gained so much weight this year, it’s either lsoe it or buy new clothes. Since I have no money, then I’ll have to lose it. Besides, this attack of acute bronchitis was, I think, in large part made worse because of my flabby health. Whe I was exercising regularly, I never got this sick. I was usually able to shake anything and everything off after a few days.

Okay, unlike Haruki who found 79 to be a manageable number, I think 4 will do just fine for me. Wish me luck.

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